I don’t think it’s hard to choose happiness. But you need to start the process. And here is my simple 3 part process:
- Write down the different elements that make you happy
- Then expand what they really mean to you
- And then act on them
It shouldn’t be complicated.
You will need to give yourself the permission to sit down, reflect and think for yourself.
Blaise Pascal, a French mathematician, physicist, and philosopher from the 1600s said “All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”
Pascal was reflecting on how people often seek distractions to avoid being alone with their own thoughts, leading to various problems in life.
It is important to emphasize though that these elements should be your unique list. And it also should take into account the core elements of what makes us human.
Here’s my short list for inspiration but don’t copy it. Because what makes me happy may make you miserable. And also what made you happy at 20 will not necessarily make you happy at 60.
You also need to take into account the science, ancient wisdom and awareness of what brings you joy is a good trinity to embrace and use it as your recipe for happiness.
And a few final disclaimers: I am assuming that you have the basics of life covered such as being able to put a roof over your head, healthy and able to pay the bills. It is hard to find happiness in struggle, pain and ill health. But it can rise out of that cauldron.
Also the order below is not a statement of priority. They can be added to the mix in any order you like.
It is also not prescriptive and I may have missed adding some salt and pepper to spice things up. Here’s my 7 ingredients for happiness:
1. Exercise
For 40 years I ran a bit like Forrest Gump. I kept running until my happy chemicals (endorphins) made themselves known. But at 50 my ankles complained. Now I ride a bike. A bit more dangerous but it makes me feel alive. So…a couple of tips that worked for me: Do exercise that you enjoy – Swimming, gym, walking or whatever puts a smile on your face. And make it easy to do and convenient. Keep the friction to do it low.
2. Purpose
Purpose is easy to say but often hard to find. But don’t give up finding out why you’re here. Joseph Campbell believed that purpose wasn’t a singularity or something ordained from above but arose from “following your Bliss.” He believed it as leaning into your curiosity until it became compelling.
It can also be summed up with some ancient Japanese wisdom “Ikigai” encapsulated in a diagram. At its intersection is your purpose, your reason for being.
3. Community
Nourish your relationships with friends and family. Belonging and a sense of community is a foundation to happiness. Harvard’s 80+ years of scientific research found it was the #1 element for happiness. Sitting around a dinner table sharing stories and life makes my heart sing and my being glow.
4. Nature
Being in nature produces a sense of awe and wonder for me. I then seek more of its grandeur. Watching a sunrise over the ocean or walking in the majestic mountains is part of my soul food. Happiness rises for me in this space. It is a part of the recipe mix.
5. Creating and sharing
This element took me 50 years to unearth. My creativity is my writing. I then needed to publish it enabled by a publishing platform (a simple blog). Then sharing on social media provided some feedback and affirmation that told me my creation was appreciated. That made me motivated to press on. Affirmation is motivation.
6. Reading and learning
At the age of five, I learned to read and I’ve never stopped. I was able to go on journeys with pirates and escape on adventures while curled up in bed when my parents thought I was sleeping. This backended into writing as I also write to learn.
7. Beauty
Once you have the basics covered, becoming a billionaire isn’t the recipe for happiness but surrounding yourself with beauty in all its guises is a bit like the cream on top.
Paul Keating who was the Prime Minister of Australia in the 1990s said “Art is not a peripheral thing. Beauty is central to human uplift and achievement.” That can mean a car that is “art on wheels.” A piece of clothing that makes you feel special or some art that you hang on the wall that brings a quiet joy.
It can be in the simple things that surround us and serve us. The Japanese have a word “Shibui” that means simple, subtle beauty, emphasizing the elegance found in things that serve a purpose.
The bottom line
Happiness can be chosen. Expecting it to just show up is naive. Thinking that it will arrive in your inbox one day or to be found in a winning lottery ticket. Also don’t let society tell you what it is.
Happiness is an inside job.
You need to find what makes your heart sing and then make a decision to lean in and act. It is not a singularity but a mixture of the happiness elements. It is a recipe. A great salad is not a tomato.
I can also tell you what it isn’t.
It is not found in buying more stuff or following Kim Karashian’s advice. Consumerism often leads to skeptical and depressing pessimism. As you always want more and it is never enough. The phrase “I’ll be happy when….” is a dead end.
Choosing happiness will take patience and reflection and many of us can’t or won’t sit down and listen to our heart about what brings you joy and happiness. It is your own path and your choice and it is unique to you but needs some core elements from science and ancient wisdom that need to be in the mix.
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* This article was originally published here
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